Slowly I turned, step by step, inch by inch

My buddy, Laurel, listed some of the things that make her suspicious.

I am suspicious of:

Salad bars,

The dark under my kitchen sink area,

and

People who have super long, painted toenails. You know, when the toenail extends by quite a bit? That makes me crazy. Don't be all growing your toe's nails so they curl and all! And then painting them a deep red, like you're vamping your crooked piggies! The feet are NOT the hands of your legs.

Added:

I also am suspicious of:

the toothpicks at the front desk of family restaurants,

wilted greens in the crisper,

the fertilized eggs in the grocery store,

toe rings on men,

milk skin on hot chocolate (vaguely obscene),

and

unoccupied park benches.