Thursday
Another unsightly mess
What does it say about us, about Our Country, that I received more hate mail for an article I wrote cheering on some of my favorite canine actors - DOGS - than the one making subtle (not that subtle - I'm only so clever) fun of our politicians?
You know what it is? Dogs are lovable.
Not that I can really talk to you now. I can't make eye contact. I went skiing this weekend, which utterly defied the image of myself I hold dear (fresh air! athleticism! gleeful "hail fellow, well met" behavior. Why, one might spill one's coffee!) and the abundant sunlight triggered on my lip a freakish cold sore eruption. I haven't had one in over fifteen years, and I am like the Hunchback of Notre Dame suddenly, with one arm over my face, all hideous and shy, with a bulging eye and badly torn trousers.
It's a virus. So why does it feel shameful and unclean to be in public, like I have a big booger prominently displayed on my face? One that screams "Harlot!" in a high pitched voice, and waves ripped, dirty underwear over my head. Cold sores need to get their act together and work on their image. Hire some PR firm to design an ad that has a lovely J. Jill type woman (woven hemp sweater, violet linen scarf, $300 clogs) who looks chidingly into the camera and says, "Cold sores. They're not always VD."
See what happens when one gets away from the computer for several hours? Booger face.
I had fun. I kept to the sad,wee bunny hill, because I am afeared of breaking a (well-padded but ultimately poorly designed) hip. The moving carpet almost killed me. I was passed, more than once, by a pony-tailed two-year-old. I'm serious.
Skiing in California is quite different from skiing in parts of Massachusetts - the parts I attended, anyway. This was all jelly bean fleece and whole wheat avocado sandwiches. Skiing in parts of Massachusetts, one may find oneself elbow-to-elbow with a chain smoker carrying more than one can of Bud in his jeans pocket for that long, dry chair lift.
And not a real segue, because I saw it this weekend:
Did you see "Gone Baby Gone" yet? Go do that. All I'll say, in case you haven't seen it yet, is that the supporting casting was the only misstep - he tipped his hand, did Ben Affleck, with that one. But still - wowza. "Gone Baby Gone" made me miss the Bay State. I'm looking at a palm tree right now, here on the West Coast, and I have to admit that parts of Boston are so ugly - and yet it'll still always be part of me.
Just like cold sores.
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8 comments:
Sweet revenge!
Did you know that you gave me herpes? Yes, you! Harlot indeed! Amen to that! We were 11 or 12, and I'd never had a cold sore before. One day, you had one, and we shared a soda. And now? I'm a VD booger face, just like you, from time to time.
Nowadays though, when I get all booger-faced, I just go around telling people we made out. Cuz, you know, everyone totally knows who you are. You're the one who wrote about dogs on the internets. People think I'm important cuz I know you, and cuz we made out.
And....you skiied? You, like, went out into nature and, like, did an activity? Ew.
Martha, you have been accusing me of infecting you for how many years now? Why me? How many other brace-faces did you share sodas with, huh?! You know darn well you were sipping from a dozen different cans. Soda slut.
I'd love to see that commercial.
Did you ever noticed on the commercial for the other herpes that the woman is always doing something sort of rough on the crotchal area? Like horseriding, or biking?
I wonder what activities the J.Jill lady should be doing.
She should be drinking something citrusy, or public speaking. Going on a blind date with someone stunning. Or maybe hang gliding, just to show it Will Not Slow Her Down.
I *LOVED* Gone Baby Gone!!! I saw it the first week it was in the theaters. You found the supporting cast amiss? Who? I loved Amy Ryan and Ed Harris. Ed Harris should have received a Best Supporting Actor nomination. I did find Amy Madigan's Boston accent to be a little over-the-top, but that was my only complaint. Ben Affleck (whom I have always loved, despite the Bennifer years) was right on with his direction. The movie was an overlooked gem this past year, IMO.
Please. Next time I get a cold sore, I'm doing a DNA test and I know your DNA will be in there as well as remnants of your damn soda.
I clearly remember my grandfather looking at me - I must have been 8 or 9 - and saying of my cold sore, "You got that kissing a black boy." And laughing. I was so appalled that he thought I would KISS A BOY. And I DID have a crush on a lovely, lovely boy in my class who was, indeed, of African descent. And while the racist part confused me, what confused me most of all was that kissing didn't give you cold sores. Kissing, duh, got you pregnant.
Barb, I wouldn't take that from Martha. You know how she gets around... Next thing you know, she'll be saying you her baby daddy!
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