Sure, I know how it goes, if you got up, like me, at the sound of your coffee machine. It beeps five times, even if you stand there and turn it off before the first beep, because the cat walked on your head at 4:27 a.m. as part of the Official Morning Awakening Food Announcement and you went back to sleep, after, but not entirely, and finally got up at 7, so the 7:15 coffee beeping thing was unnecessary.
I so get you.
And then you showered and checked your email but not in that order, duh, because that would make sense, and so you drove to work with your hair damp, or okay, sopping wet against the back of your neck with the air turned on high, because that is totally like a blow drier (only not, because your blow drier has that diffuser thing and your hair now smells like dashboard).
Oh, sweater lady, now that we are so close, I can ask: Do you live in a house? A wee house, with a dark bathroom? A bathroom with little natural light? Because, pray tell, if you do, oh, you, too, would not have noticed that your face had gone from this:
to this:
Yea, verily, the warm Silicon Valley sunlight hit my upper lip as I checked my vinyl hairdo before entering the office, and the sudden realization that I had 'STACHE totally freaked my shit right out. Hence, while you were getting out of your Prius with your laptop bag, purse, eco-friendly commuter mug, lunch containers from Whole Foods and your soy yoga outfit, I was yelling in my car, and flailing at my own face, and attempting to fashion crude tweezers out of the nearby Dodge Dart antenna.I was unprepared for the sudden, violent knowledge that I had morphed into a supervillan.
5 comments:
That's why I keep tweezers in the car. ; )
Best. Post. Ever.
I'm back. Needed to rant to someone I thought would understand.
Breaking Dawn had the most suckfestiest/craptacular ending I have possibly ever read. Hands down. And I've read my share of crap books. WTF. I need alcohol now.
It was never my favorite series to begin with and this confirmed it all for me.
Thanks for listening.
ps (I assume it was this book you were referring to when you left a comment.)
my mom has a stache and ever since he saw it for the first time my husband has been on permanent stache and beard watch for me. It's kinds nice to have someone who will tell me if i ever need to wax before I even notice it myself (even if it will come with a look of poorly contained horror)
I have found that the car is the best place to see any errant hairs. I know because I have eyebrows that are not just unruly, they are mad-scientist crazy. Now, there are tweezers in my car, diaper bag, and sometimes in my pocket, because I have been horribly embarrassed by my eyebrows.
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