Advice for a Monday

If someone were to say to you, "Why, you work from home and so minding an *entire litter of kittens should be no amount of work or bother at all," be sure to bludgeon yourself about the head and shoulder area until you are no longer able to make a fist.

(This is an incomplete depiction of the number of kittens currently in residence.)

*Six.

Good-bye, Bea Arthur, and thanks for all the fish.

Water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink.

In addition to my day job, I write various things for various outlets. It's all part of the compulsive writer syndrome, I guess. I just find so many things interesting (Charlie Sheen's poetry! Bamboo linens! Paris Hilton's movie career!).

I don't take it too seriously - I take the work seriously, I mean, but not the role of intrepid writer. And that's why it's always a shock to the system when I receive virulent feedback. (Remember when the Dr. Phil fans called for me -- a "lowly worm" -- to relinquish my trailer and my meth-addicted babies?) I am not selling anything, or pushing some secret agenda. I am writing about things that people are already studying, or making, or exploring. No trail-blazing here - I am definitely a follower. Lots of "Yeah, what he said!"

I wrote, for MSN Green, a piece exploring the concept of a "water footprint." News to me. And, apparently, quite an upsetting topic for some.

I hope you don't consider yourself a journalist. This alarmist nonsense is going to cripple this country and for no good reason. . . . You should be ashamed of yourself for printing this tripe. Nobody that can write as well as you can can possibly be stupid enough to actually believe what you wrote.[emphasis mine] (I do believe they call this a backhanded compliment, and I, Kind Sir, will take it!)

And this one honestly made me laugh out loud:

I am getting so sick of hearing about all this
green crap to the point that I have decided that every time I read about it I am going to cut down a tree and so far I have cut down about 100!!! (That'll show me!)

how do you like me now, oh wait I don't care what you or any of the eco geeks think,quit cramming this down our throats!

To which I can only sigh and respond with a quote -- nay, a business slogan -- from that sage of the ages, Matthew McConaughey, and say, "Hey, just keep on livin'*!"

*"g" intentionally removed to further enhance mellowing, carefree verbal affect

Today I would like to share with you two links.

1. What do Charlie Sheen and Leonard Nimoy have in common? That's right: poetry!
   (I wrote this one)
   
   
2. I can't choose between the bad wookie, the bad wookie and the bad wookie.

Snuggly feelings!

My sarcasm and suspicions fade, and yea, even my dark, bitter heart unfurls!

International Incident

If you watch closely, you'll see that Omar Sharif and his evil clone go-go dancers seem to have enclosed our new President in a Mime Box.

Entry #104 in the "No need to read further" headline of the day

"Robotic baby seal has healing powers"

Oh, yeah.

Well, hello, Wednesday!

I am asking myself, "Why did I go to my local farmer's market today?"

"Was it for the chocolate-coated bacon?"



"Or to see someone walk a duck on a leash?"

So, a duck walks up to an oyster bar . . .

And I know what you are asking yourself. You are asking yourself, "What about the chocolate-bacon confection?"

It's like this: You have bacon receptors and you have chocolate receptors. Right? Stop me if I am being too scientific here. When you begin to chew, your bacon receptors yell, "Yay! Bacon!" and your chocolate receptors yell, "Yay! Chocolate!" But these receptors? For whatever reason, they didn't discuss with each other what was going on. There was no sexy chocolate-bacon melding session, or a battle to the death, even. The two foods stayed in their respective taste sections, polite and somewhat disinterested. It wasn't gross, but it also wasn't pleasant. There was flavor apathy. It was a clean, well-lit bus station.

I have nothing scientific to say about the duck.

It's like watching sunlight play on water: Blinding, but I cannot look away.

I love New York

The Lost Tribes of New York City from Carolyn London on Vimeo.