Dude!

And in case you have problems viewing the image, here's the text:

Drunk Pa. man tried to revive dead opossum
Friday, March 26, 2010

PUNXSUTAWNEY, Pa. -- Police say they charged a Pennsylvania man with public drunkenness after he was seen trying to resuscitate a long-dead opossum along a highway.

State police Trooper Jamie Levier says several witnesses saw 55-year-old Donald Wolfe, of Brookville, near the animal Thursday along Route 36 in Oliver Township, about 65 miles northeast of Pittsburgh.

The trooper says one person saw Wolfe kneeling before the animal and gesturing as though he were conducting a seance. He says another saw Wolfe attempting to give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

Levier says the animal already had been dead a while.

The Associated Press could not locate a home telephone number for Wolfe.


(Copyright ©2010 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

and then it got weird

I took an online bra test (no, I am not a fourteen year old boy). It started off kind of helpful . . .

and then I became confused (who is this test for, exactly?)

And then the tone shifted . . .

So, I decided to just duct tape these babies in place and get back to work.

drifting onto the shoulder

I won't say I'm distracted, exactly, but I did pull out and start to hand over a panty liner instead of my credit card at the cash register.

scritchy.

The past few months have been really odd. Like, really, really odd. I have seen some extremely lousy behavior from grown ups who know better. Seriously heartless, odd behavior, with no apology, apparently, forthcoming. Ach. It happens. People go sideways. And still, it never ceases to disappoint.

What helps? Well, March is National Noodle Month. So, we have that. And then there are sweat pants, the kind with the elastic, not the ones with the tie belt that gets lost in the waistband and then you try to dig it out with one chopstick so you can tie your sweat pants again and don't have to fix the front closed with a hair band and look like you have a huge, too-low, outie belly button. Which I do not have. And then there's always a handmade Frida Kahlo uterus plushy.

And if that doesn't help, how about George Clooney's feet? You'll feel better knowing that his toes, at least, are not perfect.

 

(Or they are perfect, and he's just doing an adorable "scritchy" thing with his toes where the asphalt has been warmed by the tropical golden light. Shhh.)

Like ordering Chinese food, but totally not.

I assume you are faster and smarter than moi and have seen this already, but here it is again. Deal, yo, 'cause I am all is a "got all that mouth but can't step" bitch. Dang. Number 6. With a side salad of 14.

I am so sorry for their loss, honestly.

I am not proud to admit that this is probably how I am going to go, once I master the peeing-standing-up thing.

Alice In Wonderland is really hot right now . . .

 . . . and always has been.