I can't help it if I am better than average, and by "better," I mean "fleshier."

I just had a checkup. My doctor told me that I was a bit fat, which was far from some surprise.

The sweet part? He couched just beautifully. "Your ancestors gave you superior genetic material," he said. "Your people stored fat and were able to survive famine. They were the last folks standing, and thrived during lean times!" And then he paused, and looked thoughtful. "But now," he said, "Your superior genetics are screwing you over."

Honestly? He was so matter-of-fact and cheerful, and so, "Hey, it's science!" that I was utterly unashamed and totally drawn in by the truth of the matter. It is my burden: I must work harder to lose this weight, unlike plebeian types who simply wave a slender, inferior limb at the issue. Poor, skinny bastards. And while my own scientific background is limited to repeat viewings of "The Magic School Bus," I am pretty sure he should get a Nobel Prize.

I hope to use this technique on other people, and soon. "Your refusal to hustle while serving me pancakes," I will tell my waitress, "Surely kept your slow, careful movements from attracting predators. I commend your people. But now, it's just making me want to stab you with this fork."

I will be done with this novel by the end of this month.

See you then.

Crap. She's become one of those Doggie Bloggers.

Mabel stops every day on her walk to roll around joyously on the Lutheran's grass. Every single day.

And I shall put it in a carved box all its own

I was walking Mabel the Magnificent and forgot to bring poop bags. I spent forty-five minutes hoping she didn't take a dump on some nice lawn, and, if she did, that she choose an unoccupied home. And she did and she did.

After the walk, I dropped her off and headed back to the nice house a couple of blocks over to retrieve what had been left on the lawn, like a good citizen. However, I appeared to be nothing more than a complete nut to the folks who looked out of their dining room window just in time to see me, a strange woman with no dog, strolling purposefully onto their lawn to scoop up a pile of poop and scurry away.