On the day before Thanksgiving, my weird uncle gave to me . . .

My First Bacon.

 

They had me at Velveteen pork flesh and super soft fleece fat.

On the 33rd day til Christmas/9th days to Hannukah . . .

I'm starting my annual gift guide early this year, because I don't want you to be the last one to get your name in for the Steve Jobs action figure.

Except that they are already sold out. That's right, some 300 people forked over $79 plus shipping to have one of these bad boys sitting on their desk right now. 

Jealous?

Shopping

I am slowly, slowly redecorating my home. Slowly because I have no money for this (no, I mean really. no money.) and slowly because I have given myself an insane limitation: the pieces I buy, with very, very few exceptions, must be from Craigslist. Better yet? They must be from my town. Santa Cruz. Which, if you know Santa Cruz, is a) not all that large and b) boasts furniture offerings listed on Craigslist mostly from college kids, so any furniture I purchase will come from a very small pool of options. Also? More likely than not, those options will be damaged with burn marks, stickers and bong watermark rings.

A month ago, I scored a weird, wonderful, needs-to-be-reupholstered chair. Tonight, I followed a texted address to purchase some simple side tables. The woman selling them met me at the top of her apartment stairs, while holding a tiny, teacup dog who didn't bark so much as groan and wiggle. They both, the woman and the dog, had mini pigtails, like Cindy Lou. She had matched her hair to the dog's hair, or vice versa.

She was very sweet and I was horrified that she let me walk into her apartment in the dark, off a secluded hallway, and let my husband walk in, behind me. She didn't know my name. She was alone, just her and the dog, with their totally ridiculous hair. The place looked mostly packed, with a sheet-and-blanket draped mattress propped up against the wall and boxes in the tiny kitchen. Something in the apartment made the whole place smell vaguely of feces.

She asked for $8 for both little unblemished tables. I gave her $10, drove home and left them outside all night to air.

Atheists.