Ear Infection.

I was in so much pain, I went into Urgent Care today. I had no idea that a simple ear could hurt that much.

I can barely stand the shame inherent in getting a pedicure (paying someone to de-ugly my feet? Dear God, I have no shame), which is why I apologized so pathetically to the medical tech as she attempted to irrigate my waxy ear. 

She was pumping water into my brainpan, more or less, while I held a basin. It was really stupid, and wet, and loud. "I am so, so sorry you have to look in my ear for wax," I mewled. "Oh my God. That's just disgusting." I may have repeated myself several times.

 She shook her head, not looking up (I envision her with a cheroot between her teeth for this part), "Oh, no. You don't even know what I deal with, all time time. You. don't. even. know."

So, I can only assume I've found Ground Zero for the medical office where people go after they get something stuck up their bottom.